Negative Scripts – “I will never be loved.”

Posted by on Jul 21, 2017 in healing, Resources, self-care, self-healing, truth | 0 comments

 

A common statement that I hear often from fellow survivors is, “I will never be loved.”  There are variations, such as “I’m not worth it.”, or even “I’m not a lovable person.” This negative script can have a lot of power if you allow it, but it’s simply not true. It is a false belief, that you have been programmed to accept.

To understand where this false belief comes from, you must first determine its origin. Was it a parent, or someone close, who repeatedly told you, in their words, or their actions, that no one loved you? Was it blatantly stated as “No one will ever love you because…”, or in ways that made you feel worthless and unlovable?

In the book, “Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life” by Dr. Susan Forward, she discusses how verbal and emotional abuse can cause this effect. An example she provides of how verbal abuse can become a negative script is:  “When you take negative opinions out of other people’s mouths (your mother saying you’re worthless, your father saying you’re stupid), and put them into your unconscious, you are “internalizing” them.  Internalization of negative opinions – changing “you are” into “I am” – forms the foundation of low self-esteem.

 

When we internalize the “you are” statements into “I am”, this is where the negative script begins to take hold in our subconscious.  When the script is repeatedly re-affirmed, it then becomes a belief, instead of just words. 

 

If you are able to step back and see the origin of where “I will never be loved” came from, you can start removing the power from it. Recognize that these words came from someone else, or an outside experience, and are not a part of your reality. Consider this: if you were to witness a parent making these kinds of hurtful statements to their child right now, would you tell that child their parent is right? Or would you feel compelled to tell the child that it isn’t true, that they are worthy of being loved unconditionally? Why are you any different? Doesn’t your inner child need to hear that from you?

A way to start reversing this negative script is a practice taught by Louise Hay, a best-selling author and a leader in the self-help world. In her book, “You Can Heal Your Life”, she shows a technique to reverse negative scripts, where you vocalize out loud a reversal statement, releasing the negative, and affirming a positive in its place. She recommends touching your throat, while saying it out loud, to activate the throat chakra, which aids in our ability to communicate.

For the negative script, “I will never be loved”, the reversal statement would be something like this: “I release the need to believe that I am not worthy of love.  I no longer choose to believe in old limitations, and lacks.”

Say this statement to yourself, at least once a day. When the vibration of the statement rings true, your subconscious will let go of the negative script. How will you know when this is happening?  Make another statement that you know to be true, right here right now, while touching your throat.   For example, if you love coffee, make that statement: “I love coffee.” Pay attention to how the words feel when they are said. There will be a resonance, a strength to them. Now make a statement that you know isn’t true, an example would be: if you detest winter, then make the statement, “I love winter”. Feel how those words have no depth to them, almost as if they clang like a muted bell?

 

Shut down the negative script of “I will never be loved”, and silence it for good.

 

When you practice saying your reversal statement daily, you will begin to feel the words take power. It will ring with the strong vibration of truth. We are all worthy of being loved,  we just have to find it within ourselves first.

Blessings to you,
Heather Durling, The Phoenix Gathering
“One Starfish At A Time.”

copyright 2017 The Phoenix Gathering.  All rights reserved.

 

 

Sources:
1. Forward, S., & Buck, C. (1989). Toxic parents: Overcoming their hurtful legacy and reclaiming your life. New York: Bantam Books.
2. Hay, L. (1987). You can heal your life. Santa Monica, CA: Hay House.

 

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