How I Stopped Being a Chronic Apologizer

Posted by on May 18, 2016 in adult survivor of child abuse, empowerment, inspiration, self-care, self-healing | 0 comments


This article was originally featured on on 02/20/16.
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Raise your hand if you’ve been told to stop apologizing so much. Now raise your other hand if you then find yourself immediately responding with, “I’m sorry!”

You aren’t alone on this, I’m a recovering chronic apologizer as well.

I chose to use the descriptive word chronic because it seems so ingrained in our psyche, it’s a default program in our brain. Do you remember the “Easy Button” from Staples? In the commercials, people would literally push a big red button that said, “Easy,” and magically everything would work out perfectly. In this sense, the button says, “I’m sorry,” and you press it on default, thinking it will fix everything. It never seems to result in what we are trying to accomplish with that statement, though.

There is a lower energetic vibration to the phrase, due to the original intent – a mistake or grievance has been done, causing hurt or harm to another. When we apologize, we are usually feeling bad about something we’ve done or said. We are not feeling very good about ourselves, so our energy is lower as well. There’s a time and place for expressing remorse, and it’s only if it truly deserves that response. Now imagine what kind of energy that kicks out when you find yourself apologizing all the time, even when you’ve really done nothing wrong.

The trick I learned to stop the constant need to apologize is to say “Thank You,” instead. I’m sure that doesn’t make much sense at first, and that’s okay. It’s a bit of a foreign concept for chronic apologizer’s to say those words, but the magic in them is immeasurable. When you say thank you, it instantly raises the vibration of your words and feelings. You don’t feel lower than, less than, or wrong, you feel appreciative and grateful towards the other person that you are around at that time. You will also find yourself feeling better about YOU as well.

Some examples of how you can use “Thank you” instead of “I’m Sorry:”

1) Original: “I’m sorry I’m so late, (insert reasons here)”

1) Adjusted: “Thank you for so patiently waiting for me to get here.”

    • You can give the reasons still if you want, but you’ll find you usually don’t need to. The other person will immediately respond in a much better way and the energy around you will feel more open and accepting.

2) Original: “I’m so sorry you have to help me with (insert whatever it is here)”

2) Adjusted: “Thank you very much for your help, I really appreciate it.”

    • You aren’t doing anything wrong when you need someone’s help. By showing gratitude and appreciation to them, it will help you feel better and stronger as well.

3) Original: “I’m sorry, I don’t know what I’m trying to say right now.”

3) Adjusted: “Thank you for listening to me while I’m trying to figure this all out.”

    • When people are taking the time to listen when you need to talk about something, I’m willing to bet they aren’t expecting for you to sound like you’ve got it all together. We need to talk things out to figure them out sometimes, and that’s perfectly okay.

4) Original: “I’m sorry, I’m sure I’m not much fun to be around.”

4) Adjusted: “Thank you for spending time with me today, I appreciate you.”

    • Start this one right off the bat when meeting up with whomever for that day. It will help set the tone to a more positive place and space. Of course, being real and genuine with how you are feeling that day is important, but you need to acknowledge that feeling down or crummy is a normal part of being human. No one is happy and full of light 24/7, and the ones that seem like they are have either learned how to move out of the lower moods quicker, or they are faking it until they make it.

These are a few examples of how you can say things differently. You’ll notice as you read each one, how it instantly feels stronger, with a bit more clarity and ring to the words. Again, as with all new concepts and adjustments, it will take some practice. For me personally, this one was a little easier to catch and switch, and it may be because I was aware of it and wanted to change it already. Find the different ways that you can say “Thank You,” instead of “I’m Sorry,” moving away from being a chronic apologizer to a person who expresses thanks and gratitude. You will feel better, and so will the people that surround you. Thank you for taking the time to read this, and I appreciate you!

Blessings to you,

Heather Durling, The Phoenix Gathering
“One Starfish At a Time.”
Proud Member of ‪#‎WUVIP‬

Copyright 2015-2016 The Phoenix Gathering. All Rights Reserved.

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